Autobiography, Just Gotta Laugh, Lewy Body Dementia, Uncategorized

Goin’ to Carolina in My Mind

In my mind I’m gone to Carolina
Can’t you see the sunshine?
Can’t you just feel the moonshine…
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Over the past few weeks, I find myself constantly just humming this song.  I think it soothes my soul and keeps me calm.  Calm is a hard place to find these days.
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Living with someone with Lewy Body Dementia is unpredictable at best.  Even trying to write a simple blog post yesterday becomes nearly impossible. Things just constantly happen or need attention that make planning anything a memory.  Concentration went out the window awhile ago.
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For instance, yesterday was spent outside in dirt, repairing damage to the sprinkler system. Thankfully, someone handy and very kind offered to help whenever, or if ever, we needed help.  His wife let me “borrow” him again, which is becoming a at-least-once-a-week event so it seems.
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A while back, Someone had tried to construct a barrier to keep the Rescue Ranch dogs from barking at a neighbor’s new dog–who barks a lot. (The new dog just needed some transition time in his new home.) Someone’s idea was to tie a bright orange plastic mesh netting onto six feet high metal posts used to stake trees (that were in the garage). He had to pound them deep into the ground for them to be sturdy.  For Chihuahuas, it may have worked.
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The fact that the netting or posts did not go all the way across the area to prevent going around it, plus that the “barrier” was plastic netting meant it was just a matter of minutes until it failed, but I have learned that you can’t stop everything Someone wants to do.  I can be a safety monitor and gently guide plans and actions but if I just prevented everything, Someone would just become a potted plant which is not at the direction I want to see for his life.  I let him put up the barrier.  At least he was thinking and trying to find a solution.
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Since the huge rain storms that passed through Houston this week missed us, the trees and bushes needed to be watered.  I have been trying to hold out to save on the water bill but the ground was cracking it was so dry so I had the sprinklers turned on not thinking a thing about it.
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Someone took a dog out to play catch when I heard, “Uh, oh.”  My stomach knots up in a big ball when I hear that now.
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Outside, just like when Jed Clampett struck oil on the TV show, “The Beverly Hillbillies,” the whole area around where one of the posts had been was bubbling and gurgling up. The sprinklers were turned off and our handy friend came over with a shovel.  One of the now-back-in-the-garage-posts for the dog barrier (the netting is now in thousands of tiny orange pieces all around the area that I am still picking up daily) was driven straight into the sprinkler system and it fractured several elbow joints and just missed doing really major damage.
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Harder to fix than anticipated but we still got it done, it was suppertime.  It was a Burger King night for sure.  Nuggets and Whopper patties–some mixed with kibble, others would only eat them alone, I thought we were all done for the night.  A shower, a little TV and bedtime–it starts all over again day after day so I need to rest when Someone rests to be ready for literally anything.  Despite knowing that, I sat down to write yet again.
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About two sentences in, around 3 AM, Someone went outside.  He has a hard time going to sleep before dawn or even later (it’s part of the disease called “Sundowning”) but at least I can get him to settle down most nights so I can breathe a little and let out a sigh of relief. (It is really hard to just relax.) When I went to see why I heard the back door handle strand of jingle bells jingle-jangling, I could not find Someone and went outside calling him, the door still open.  When I heard “crickets,” I figured out that he left the door open and was back inside already.  I heard a sink running.  With a sigh of relief, I thought that at least he was washing his hands.  But why?
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“Why were you outside at 3 AM,” I asked.  After over one half an hour of saying the same question over and over again, looking at Someone’s face just looking at me, I finally got an answer.  I have to have an answer in case there was something I needed to do/take care of/fix/etc. “You are not going to like the answer so I am not going to tell you.”  I can deal with pretty much any answer these days as long as everyone is safe and fed.  “I had to get a bag,” he said.
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I million things went through my mind of what could be going on.  “A bag of what?” I asked.  “Laundry,” Someone said.  Huh? What? Laundry??  I didn’t get it.  “Tell me why you are outside getting laundry, ” I asked.  The laundry room is all the way at the other end of the building–inside. After another half an hour, I got an answer. Someone thought that the laundry was piling up and so I would think there wasn’t so much to do, it was bagged up and hidden outside.  I was left simply speechless.  No wonder I couldn’t find any pillowcases!  (Some day I hope I can laugh about this stuff. I just cannot anticipate–or imagine–what is going to happen next!)
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The days are long. The nights are never-ending.  If I take the time to do anything other than the necessities, I either have to forego sleep or rest neither of which I get enough of dealing with this disease (a pic of a brain cell with the Lewy Body bubble in it is featured above).  I need all of my wits about me these days to keep me on my toes so to speak.  I am exploring the options that Someone’s doctors have put before me to think about and to research–and none of them are what I had expected just a few years ago but I can see that I will have to make some major decisions. I am pretty sure that next spring, it will be time.  Until then, please continue on this journey with me. I will promise to write as I can.  (Sign up for email notices in the Menu section so you don’t have to keep checking for updates.)
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Just know that I love you and that I appreciate any and all kindness, card, thought, prayer that you send.  In the middle of this mind-bending experience, getting a sweet card in the mail is so precious and so special to me.  I really mean it.
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Helping with the dogs in any way is gratefully accepted and always welcome.  Just because I am beside my own self, doesn’t mean that the Herd of RR dogs stopped needing chews and medicine and and and and…and!
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Grateful.  Always.
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Carolina In My Mind
To listen to this song on YouTube, Click Here
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In my mind I’m gone to Carolina
Can’t you see the sunshine?
Can’t you just feel the moonshine…
Ain’t it just like a friend of mine
To hit me from behind?
Yes, I’m gone to Carolina in my mind
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Karin, she’s a silver sun
You best walk her way and watch it shine
And watch her watch the morning come
A silver tear appearing now
I’m cryin’, ain’t I?
Gone to Carolina in my mind
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There ain’t no doubt in no ones mind
That love’s the finest thing around
Whisper something soft and kind
And hey babe, the sky’s on fire
I’m dying, ain’t I?
Gone to Carolina in my mind
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In my mind I’m gone to Carolina
Can’t you see the sunshine?
Can’t you just feel the moonshine?
And, ain’t it just like a friend of mine
To hit me from behind?
Yes, I’m gone to Carolina in my mind
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Dark and silent, late last night,
I think I might have heard the highway call
And geese in flight and dogs that bite
The signs that might be omens say
I’m goin’, I’m goin’
I’m gone to Carolina in my mind
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With a holy host of others standin’ around me
Still I’m on the dark side of the moon
And it seems like it goes on like this forever
You must forgive me, if I’m up and gone to
Carolina in my mind
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In my mind I’m goin’ to Carolina
Can’t you see the sunshine?
Can’t you just feel the moonshine?
Ain’t is just like a friend of mine
To hit me from behind
Yes, I’m gone to Carolina in my mind
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Gone to Carolina in my mind
And I’m goin’ to Carolina in my mind
Goin’ to Carolina in my mind
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Gone, I’m gone, I’m gone
Say nice things about me ’cause I’m gone south now
Got to carry on without me, I’m gone
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Songwriters: James Taylor / James V Taylor
Carolina In My Mind lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 

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